Disappearing Act

What Is Happening?

Have you ever felt invisible?

Okay. I’ve noticed a growing trend in my life. It started a couple of years ago, but I chalked it up to my imagination. Let me explain. I like going out to eat alone; when I get the opportunity, I like to sit and ponder the menu and look at the people around me and generally relax into myself. It’s always been a treat until the last few years.

When I enter a bar/restaurant alone in the early evening like I did recently at Happy Volley where my daughter Tory was competing for volleyball glory, I am invisible. I am not seen sitting at that table by myself. The wait staff didn’t see me at that Happy Volley bar/restaurant. It was strange. And it took me a while to figure it out.

Since when did I become invisible?

When I realized that I was invisible at that Happy Volley bar/restaurant table , I moved to a seat at the bar. . .and waited and waited to be noticed . . . so I could order a glass of wine and a sandwich. It was weird, to say the least. And don’t think that I’m shy either. I just couldn’t — short of standing on the barstool perhaps — catch the bartender’s eye or attention. And the establishment wasn’t packed with people either.

Puzzled, I pondered it. I watched others walk into the bar/restaurant. I looked at people’s gender. I looked at people’s ages. I looked at who walked in alone. I looked at who walked in with other people. And then I realized something. . .

I realized that although my mind is still about 25 years old that my body looks its age –50-plus years old. And I realized with a sinking heart that I was being ignored on purpose so to speak. . . because I am an older woman? . . . because I am alone?

I didn't see any men who were alone getting ignored.

Don’t ever underestimate an older woman who is sitting alone. She has cash in her pocket and knows how to tip. . .or not. . .based on the service she receives.

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4 Responses to Disappearing Act

  1. OpinionsToGo says:

    How foolish of ANY employee of ANY establishment to ignore ANY customer, especially in this economy. Your post made me think of that famous line from a movie…
    “I’m mad as Hell and, I’m not going to take it anymore!’…Yeah that!!

  2. Kristin says:

    Love this! I’ve felt invisible before, even when I was younger. But I spent my entire childhood and teen years learning how to look invisible in class, in the lunchroom, in the hallway. So, I think it might take a while to completely disappear. And now I’m too obnoxious and impatient to wait around.

    In a bakery on Atlantic Ave in Brooklyn, I once took an armload of product up to the counter and dumped it there saying, “I’ve been here. Standing there (pointing). And I wanted to pay.” He had been too busy talking with a friend to wait on me. It made me feel good for about five minutes. And I never went back.

    So, you may be invisible, but you’ve got company!

    • BlogHer12 Midlife Session was a real eye opener for me. I listened. I learned.

      And as far as where I spend my dollars from now on? I’m ready to spend them on products that are advertising to ME, a 50-something Baby Boomer woman, and that use models and reps MY age.

      I AM the Rock Star. I am not the Rock Star’s mother.

  3. “Network” 1976. Loved that flick!
    At the “Midlife” Session at BlogHer12 I listened to stories and comments about 50-plus women and how advertisers basically don’t market to us…unless it’s for “old” products. Think about how print/TV ads use unlined, young models to market to us, the Baby Boomers — the largest, wealthiest cohort of buyers ever! It’s time to be heard.

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